Of Firecrotches And Firewhiskey
by PRETTYPRINCESSchan
Summary: Another MaraudersxOC.
1. Number 1:

**C h a p t e r O n e:**

**A laugh and a half.**

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"Wakey, wakey, deary~" cooed a voice startling me out of my slumber.

"Goooo away, mum." I ordered my voice sluggish and gurgled from the drool that had piled up in my mouth.

"Harriet Angela Weasley! I'm not your mother but you'll respect me as such!" screeched a voice and despite my half-awake state I could immediately determine who it was.

"Yes, Molly…" I replied with a grimace at the use of my full name, I was one of the many that had learned to fear Molly's wrath. Bringing myself into a sitting position and allowing my eyes to adjust to the bright light I was able to see Molly, towering above my bed with little Charlie resting snuggly on her hip.

After seeing to it that I was indeed not going to fall back asleep, Molly made a beeline out the door, probably eager to get breakfast started.

"And technically, I should respect you as a sister-in-law!" I called to her retreating form, testing the waters a bit and definitely testing Molly's patience along with it.

Molly presumably pursed her lips before murmuring to her young son, "Always the smart mouth, that one."

The corners of my mouth turned upwards at this as I stood, rummaging through my belongings in search of my glasses.

It was a load of bullocks that I had to get up this early, but Molly was always the practical one when it came to being overly prepared and on time, I suppose that's one of her endearing qualities that my elder brother finds so charming…

"HARRIET ANGELA-" I rolled my eyes, praying for a pair of those Muggle earplugs.

"Good Lord, I'M COMING MOLLY!" I exclaimed, sliding on my thick rimmed glasses and stomping down the stairs.

"Auntie Etta!" squealed my eldest nephew as I was engulfed in a hug.

"Billy!" I squealed back, scooping him up in my arms and plopping down at the kitchen table.

"S'bout time you came downstairs, Etta" remarked Arthur Weasley, my big brother and as of recently, caretaker. He looked quite cool with the tip of his ginger colored head poking out from behind the front page of The Daily Prophet.

"What's _this_?" I cried in outrage, thwaping my fist against the table.

"**GERMANY FOR THE WIN**!" was printed across the front page accompanied with a moving image of those bloody twats basking in victory.

"Oh, come off it! You don't even know how to play the game, Harriet! Now sit down, hurry up! We've got a busy schedule today and such!" Molly lectured, a steaming plate of breakfast appearing in front of me.

It smelt delicious save for the huge pile of Brussels sprouts.

"Molly, you know I hate them!" I whined, shoving my plate forward.

"I figured you'd need the extra energy that they'd provide you, mind you, you're not a child anymore, Harriet. You need to eat grown up foods!" Molly rambled, although her tone led me to believe that she was teasing me a bit.

It was remarkable how old she seemed when the truth was that she and Arthur were fresh out of Hogwarts, well technically they were fresh out of Hogwarts in 1968, but it's only 1976…So you see my point? But she already had two sons, with another on the way, so I assume that's why she was so grown up already.

"Yes, yes. Etta. You're a big girl, going into your_ fifth _year~" Arthur stated, sounding quite proud as he folded up his newspaper.

"Thank you, Arty. You're a big girl too" I beamed, leaning across the table to pat him on the cheek.

Bill giggled at me before announcing that he wanted to grow up and be a big girl, just like Auntie Etta and daddy.

Naturally, this ticked Molly off and sent me into bouts of laughter.

* * *

"Come now, Etta. Give us a kiss, goodness dear you're growing up so fast!" Molly exclaimed promptly bursting into tears as she kissed both my cheeks.

You knew that Molly Weasley was a bit off her rocker, _overemotional_ and all that when she failed to call a one Harriet Angela Weasley by her full name.

"Please remember for when you regain your sanity, Molly. It is indeed _Etta_." I suggested, hugging her tightly, but not tight enough as to squish the baby bulge she was spouting.

Molly released me, sniffling slightly as I bent down and tapped on her tummy.

"You there! Young man, don't you go giving your mummy any trouble or nasty thumps when she's trying to sleep. And also, don't you go bursting out of there a _second_ before I get home for Christmas break or I'll teach Billy to be quite the bully-" I warned, wagging my finger at Molly's tummy.

"Good heavens!" Molly cried in outrage, holding her tummy protectively.

At this I grinned before, moving over to the men in my life and giving them each a kiss on the cheek.

"Be good _boys_" I emphasized upon receiving a look from Molly.

"Very good boys," I repeated, "Even you, Arty" I added, smiling at my brother.

"Of course, Etta. No boyfriends by the way!" Arthur suggested sternly as I rolled my eyes.

"Yes because I'm _so~ooo _attractive" I scowled, gesturing to my geeky glasses and head full of flaming red hair.

"You're beautiful, absolutely lovely, dear. NOW GET A MOVE ON!" Molly stated, interfering with my private moment of self-loathing.

"Righty oh!" I called, sounding a bit stereotypical in my British accent.

I quickly turned to my cart, full of all the odds and ends I'd need to survive my fifth year of Hogwarts, before turning tail and ramming into a brick wall, looking like quite the mad woman to those who didn't notice that I went _through_ the wall.

"SHIT!" seethed a voice as I ran, cart first into a fellow witch or wizard.

"Watch where you're going, you fucking prat—"snarled a masculine voice.

"Bugger. Off." I stated simply, staggering to my feet and promptly brushing myself off.

The male in question looked like he was about to retort with a smart mouthed reply, when he paused to simply smirk at me, his face entirely too smug for my liking.

"Harry? Harry Firecrotch?" he inquired, quirking a rather sexy brow at me.

And _there_ it was; the single most humiliating nickname in the history of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and the absolute buffoon who has branded me with it.

"Sirius Black, my, you're a laugh and a half" I scoffed before promptly kicking him in the shin.


	2. Number 2:

**C h a p t e r T w o:**

**Harriet Angela Weasley:**

**The First Prank the Marauders ever pulled.**

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It might come to a surprise to you, that I dislike Sirius Black. Hell, you are probably floundering about your seat in dread at the fact that I do not fancy such a charming young lad, such a courageous and humorous member of the marauders…

**Bullshit.** Absolute bullocks, if you ask me.

* * *

_"Wow, it's so pretty~" I breathed, glancing up at the ceiling of the great hall, fit to resemble a starry night sky._

_I, along with the rest of the first timers at Hogwarts, was nervously waiting being sorted._

_I hadn't made any friends yet, and I sure as heck didn't know anybody, so I was definitely more nervous than the rest of my peers. Mummy had assured me that I'd be sorted into Gryffindor, however. Whereas Arty had warned me to avoid the Slytherins, which I quite intended to do. Suddenly, I felt a tap on my shoulder._

_"Yes?" I questioned meekly, turning to see a rather dashing boy of my age._

_"Sirius, Sirius Black" he stated suavely, smiling earnestly at me._

_"H-Harriet—" I began stiffly only to be interrupted._

_"Weasley, right?" questioned a boy with big glasses and short yet shaggy brown hair._

_"How'd you know?" I questioned with wide eyes, wondering if some wizards could read minds._

_"Your hair" they chirped simultaneously before smiling at one another._

_I blushed a shade of red that surely matched my hair color as I adjusted my glasses._

_"O-Oh" I replied simply._

_"You really shouldn't mind people like them" stated another voice as I turned to see an intelligent looking blonde boy._

_"Oi! How rude!" Sirius scowled, shaking a fist at the blonde._

_"Aren't you the rude ones?" questioned the blonde boy indignantly before turning to face me._

_"Remus Lupin, at your service" he stated cheerfully holding out his hand to me._

_"Harriet Weasley" I repeated giving his hand a quick shake._

_"I'm James Potter!" shouted the bespectacled boy, invading my personal space._

_"Sod off, you're making the lady nervous" Sirius smirked, pushing James off his seat that was conveniently next to mine._

_He bumped into a rather chubby boy who squeaked in surprise._

_"Look what you've done~ now I've injured poor-uh, what's your name?" James shouted, pausing to look at the fallen boy._

_"P-P-Peter Pettigrew" he sniffed._

_"These introductions are rather boring; James, Peter, Harry, Remus, Sirius" Sirius repeated, pointing to each of us individually._

_"My name is __**not**__ Harry!" I cried indignantly._

_"That's right, it's __**Harriet**__"__James corrected, and the way he pronounced it made it sound so hideous that I grimaced._

_"What bloody crazy names they have 'round here" Sirius stated._

_"Are you serious?" James began, pausing to laugh at his retarded little pun._

_"Yes I am, actually" Sirius stated smugly._

_"No, I mean I was just thinking the same thing. Some of these names would be a real laugh-"at this, James and Sirius both got quiet, identical smirks etched upon their faces._

_I scoffed at them before looking away._

_"I don't think I much care for whatever you two have in mind…" Remus stated, shaking his head._

_"I bet it'll be a right laugh!" Peter stated as the two mischievous boys I'd recently met smirked at him._

_"The two of you are welcome to help, who knows this might be the start of a very beautiful friendship" James stated, the smirk never leaving his face._

_"Now if only we could come up with a-" Sirius began, his head resting in his hands, he paused to smile at me._

_"Say, Harry. Do the carpets match the drapes?" he inquired._

_"W-What?" I cried out, knocking over my goblet in shock._

_"You know? Are you uh, what's the word, Sirius?" James began turning to look at Sirius._

_"Firecrotch, mate" Sirius smirked. Remus looked utterly appalled as Peter blushed._

_My face turned several shades of scarlet before I stood, rushing off to an empty seat at the other end of the table._

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_I stood, eagerly awaiting my name to be called so that I could be sorted, all of us first years had been called up to the front of the room. And we were listed in ABC order, I kept focused on person reading off the names, eagerly trying to shake my early encounter with those gits. How much audacity does one have to have to ask such a thing, I mean, really?_

_"Valt, Margo" I listened as the girl in front of me stepped up to the stool and sat down curtly, the Sorting Hat sitting there for a minute before belting out Hufflepuff._

_I paled at the fact that it was now my turn, I silently waited for the announcer to call, "Weasley, Harriet!" but was met with a much different alias._

_"Firecrotch, Harry! Wait, good heavens, no, that's certainly not right!" panicked the announcer as I gasped. The Great Hall quickly broke out into bouts of laughter, the nastiest laughter coming from the green table. I looked 'round the Great Hall in absolute horror before my gaze fell on a quartet of boys looking much too innocent to not be classified as suspicious._

_"YOU!" I cried and it seemed that my meek young voice echoed through the great halls, my wand pointed directly at a certain young Sirius Black._

_"Sorry dear" he mouthed with a shrug as the announcer frowned at me._

_"Now dear let's not get hostile, it was a simple mix up. Why not tell me your actual name?" he inquired kindly, placing a hand on my back and guiding me to the stool._

_"Weasley, Harriet" I said in a small voice as the Sorting Hat was placed upon my head._

_That pathetic piece of apparel didn't even talk to me so much as he himself laughed,_

_"AHAHAHAHA, __**GRYFFINDOR**__!"_

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"You can't still be sore about something that happened way back in first year, pet" Sirius spat through the pain he felt from being kicked in the shin.

"I can and I will" I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Well at least you're talking to me, _that's_ a start" Sirius smiled, swinging an arm over my shoulders.

In all honesty, until now I hadn't talked to _any_ of the Marauders, as they so quaintly called themselves now; and funnily enough, after that fateful day none of them had bothered to talk to me, save for when they sent poor Remus to apologize 'round the end of first year.

Shrugging his arm off, I bent to pick up my belongings.

"It wasn't even that good of a prank, you know. It was rather childish…" I snarled, placing my trunk back on my cart.

"The fact remains that however _childish_ it may have been, it still lives on~" Sirius stated proudly.

"Unfortunately" I stated curtly before continuing on my way to the train.

"Harry, why not sit with us? For old times sake?" Sirius invited pleasantly.

"What old times? We managed pleasant _conversation_ once" I reminded, eager to clear him of his delusions that we had ever been friends.

"Don't deny your _family_" Sirius teased as I gaped at him.

He seriously had the audacity to pull the family card?

"Mum was burned off the Black Family tree" I retorted smartly.

"What a coincidence, yeah? So was I" Sirius smirked.

"My, what **trendsetters **you are" I complimented sarcastically, flipping a few ginger locks out of my eyes.

"I'm serious, Harry. Sit with us, will even kick Peter out if it's to your liking~" Sirius bargained.

"I know you're _Sirius_, but I on the other hand am not _Harry_! FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN!" I exclaimed, my tone laced with the aggravation I felt.

"Hardy Har Har, you are so clever, _Harriet" _Sirius replied mockingly.

"Try again, love" I stated with a roll of my eyes.

"The fuck? You don't even go by bloody HARRIET anymore?" Sirius cried, throwing his hands up in the air.

"I hate how you act like you know me so well, Sirius. And no, it's _Etta_. Nothing else" I stated in defeat.

The boy really needs to sod off before I go mad and do something illegal.

"Alright Etta," Sirius stated simply as we loaded up our belongings; then we stepped aboard the Hogwarts express.

Once inside, Sirius eagerly rushed to the compartment closest to us.

"Oi Prongs! Guess who I bumped into?" Sirius exclaimed cheerfully sliding open the door.

"Let me guess, some poor bird you've happened to snog the hell out of, and then proceeded not to write?" James called as I grinned.

"Don't be daft, James. He's too happy for that, maybe it's a new snog?" Remus argued cleverly.

"Wrong again, lads. I happened to have run into—" Sirius began, but I was quick to interrupt.

"Hullo boys" I stated before Sirius could announce me was Firecrotch or something worse.


End file.
